So on my last night with my birth family, my sisters, Amy, and I sat outside for a while and started to chat. Over the next two hours I basically got all of the Um family gossip which was A LOT.
Of course with the door open for discussion, the first thing I wanted to know was why I hadn't met my third sister. I had asked about her several times over the past week and a half, and would get very general answers like, "She's too busy" or "She's not sure she can schedule it in". The answers didn't make sense to me, and Amy and I felt something funny was going on, we just didn't know what it was. Well, I found out.
My third sister is married to as they put it, "An asshole." Her marriage sounds very traditional and very Korean where the man says something and the woman does it. Period. A few years ago she did something that really pissed him off and he told her off (although I have a strange feeling it was more than just "telling her off". After telling off my sister, my brother-in-law proceeded to call up my birth mother and tell her off too. Why I have no idea because my birth mother didn't have anything to do with the situation according to my sisters. My brother then got wind of all of this and confronted my sister who ended up defending her husband's actions. As my sisters explained it, my brother told my 3rd sister that she and her husband were not welcome in his house if that how they were going to behave.
Its been a few years since that happened and I get the feeling they haven't spoken much at all. My sisters told me a few times her marriage isn't good. I feel bad for her in a way and I wish I could have met her, but in order to do so my sisters felt like they had to sneak around behind my brother's back and they were uncomfortable doing so. I can't say I blame them. My brother is the head of the family and out of respect for him and my mother, I think they made the right decision. They knew I was disappointed, but in the end I would have never wanted to disrespect any of my birth family members like that after they had been so generous and open towards me. The timing just wasn't right. Hopefully it will be when I visit again.
I am glad your trip went so well. I have recently brought my children, who were adopted from Korea, back to visit their foster families.
If they are able to meet their birth families one day, I hope their experience is as good as yours was. It is just too back that Korea is so far away!
Thanks for sharing with us.
Posted by: Jeanne | August 25, 2007 at 01:15 AM